Family rejection of partner adds strain to relationships
Vickie Perez
Issue date: 12/8/09 Section: News
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Mesa Legend
It's a fact that romantic relationships can be stressful, but some have to deal with the issue of having close friends and family members disapprove of their union.
This type of rejection can add a significant amount of stress to a relationship, especially if there is a strong connection between loved ones and the person who wants to please them.
Some couples may find it hard to deal with the stress of disapproval and choose to end their relationship altogether.
Caryn Attianese, a relationship counselor, said that this type of relationship can be tougher for couples to deal with since it has an extra dynamic added to it, while most couples only have to address problems with each other.
"In most cases this will lead to separation from loved ones or breaking up with their significant other because the stress of working through it is too much," Attianese said.
She believes that communication is the key in every relationship and encourages couples with this problem to seek a counselor to help them set some boundaries.
A student who asked to remain anonymous, said that she was alienated from family gatherings because her family hated her significant other so much that they sacrificed not seeing her either.
"I noticed that invitations were not being sent to me because my family did not want my significant other to attend… my nieces and nephews were pulled away from me as well, because my sister absolutely hated my boyfriend," she said.
When asked for advice for couples dealing with this same problem she said,
"The best advice I would share is to confide in one person who knows you better than yourself, such as a close family member or a best friend, that can see what is going on in your relationship from an outside perspective."
Daniela Roher, a psychotherapist and relationship counselor, believes that this type of stress can sometimes make a relationship stronger.
"If a person wants to assert him or herself, disapproval of one's choice of intimate partner can draw the two partners closer together, as they feel they are alone against the world," Roher said.
She agreed with the anonymous student's advice by adding that couples should not to be defensive, but keep an open mind and listen to what people say.
Perhaps others see something different from an outside perspective, while the couple does not.
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